Fathers Day Sucks. End of story.
This is the 3rd Fathers Day without my Dad, but really this is the first Fathers Day where I am not doing anything.
Two years ago I had just started my internship at UCSC, and last year I was still on my road trip home.
Now when you have lost a parent, days like Fathers Day and Mothers Day are on your mind all the time.
And it doesn’t help that corporate America has zero chill when it comes to these days.
The number of promotional emails I have received this month has been UNREAL.
You also cant walk into a store without being reminded that I wont ever buy my Dad a Fathers Day card again.
My Weekend Grief Self-Care
This weekend I decided “Hey I’m an adult I can do whatever I want”
So I decided this weekend I just wanted to be sad. And even more than that, I wasn’t going to feel guilty for being sad. Too often we dismiss or ignore or tell lies to ourselves that we are actually better that we are.
1.Friday night movie night
Now Wild is one of my all time favorite movies, and its always my go to sad grief movie. Way more blog posts to come on Wild, but there is just something about watching Reese Witherspoon screaming and throwing her boot off a cliff that just makes you feel better.
2. Saturday video games
In my conquest to find hobbies I decided to give video games a try. I’m a recent proud owner of a new PS4 and this weekend I have been playing Kingdom Hearts, like a lot. Growing up I LOVED Kingdom Hearts so playing it again is like seeing an old friend you have not seen in years. Now haters gonna hate but playing I see playing videos game closely connected to the act of “Mindfulness” the idea of being in the present moment and not focusing on anything else other than what is currently happening. Videos game align so well with the practice of Mindfulness because if you don’t focus on whats happening, you die and have to start again. Having something else to focus on gave me peace of mind
3. Chinese Takeout
The last thing you want to do when you’re sad is to cook, so I ordered way too much Chinese takeout and it was amazing. Cream Cheese wantons and Sesame Chicken cures all.
4. Movie Night part 2
While stuffing my face with takeout, I watched one of the most underrated Pixar films, Inside Out. This weekend I let sadness have full control over my control board. I sat in my sadness and just let myself feel. I cried, I laughed, I thought about my Dad, my future. I knew that I couldn’t let sadness take control forever but I let it run its course. Inside Out teaches us that one emotion cant control everything, you need to let in the joy with the sadness.
D Day. Dads Day. Not my day. I woke up this morning actually feeling pretty okay. The sun came out, the world keeps spinning. As much as I wanted to ignore this day and stay under the cover, I knew I could not. I cried. I called my mom. And then decided it was time to turn this grief and sadness it something productive. So here I am in the cafe of Barnes and Noble listening to some of my favorite songs, drinking a caramel macchiato writing this blog post.
This weekend I could have done a bunch of different things, but I think allowing myself to simply feel was the greatest gift I could give to myself. Being down this weekend I think made getting up today ready to face that world that much easier.
To all those grieving out there, take it easy today.
Until next time,